April 2019



All the research on player development and coach/player relationships states the same simple truth. Players give more to teams and coaches when they know that the coach cares about them as people and not just athletes. This discovery has led to many coaches taking a more holistic approach than they have done in the past.  As part of this shift in emphasis, documents entitled “Key Qualities of” are being presented.

The idea is really a very simple one. You consider the role of a youth soccer coach and consider all of the key qualities that you believe they must have in order to be successful in fulfilling their duties. 

To break down this example from a parent perspective, most soccer parents would list the following as the vital key qualities of a youth soccer coach:

  1. Able to make learning the game fun.
  2. Able to clearly communicate with players.
  3. Have a deep knowledge of the game and it’s techniques and tactics.
  4. Display a desire to constantly improve as a teacher.
  5. Have some ability to demonstrate skills of the game.
  6. Be inspirational and dynamic.
  7. Be patient and understanding.
  8. Have the emotional fortitude to handle losses and wins without drama.
  9. View their players as human beings and not little professional players.
  10. Have some understanding of the basic psychology of their players.
  11. Have some rudimentary understanding of sports science (stretching, rest,) as it pertains to their players.

These documents really are a great learning tool for anyone who has the time for careful self-reflection and is willing to look at their performance through a critical lens. They help you identify areas of strength and weakness and can bring into acute focus those areas in which we most need to improve.

For a player to fulfill their soccer potential, it is essential that all 3 groups: coach, parent and player are actively seeking to help and improve within the roles they fill. 

I invite all soccer parents reading this to complete the key qualities assessment below. In doing so I would ask that you avoid the opportunity for self-applause and instead approach the task with a view of what can I learn about myself? Give yourself a quiet moment with no phone, PC, tablet or TV to distract you and perhaps complete with a vision of how the ideal soccer parent would behave. Compare yourselves to the highest ideal and be completely honest. 

Key Qualities of a Soccer Parent 

How are you performing as soccer parent? To get a sense of where you stand, please assess yourself on the following questions.

5 = strength

1 = are in need of development

Describe in less than two sentences why you scored yourself as you did. 


Questions 1 2 3 4 5
Do you have an appreciation of the learning process and recognize that skill development is more important than winning? ( 5 is learning is your priority)
Do you have a good sense of sporting behavior and are likely to applaud skill and talent in both teams?
Do you teach your child that their best effort is all that matters and not the result of the game?
Do you attempt to search for new knowledge on the sports your child plays?
After observing any game or practice are you able to offer unconditional loving support or are you more likely to start your critical review?
Do you demonstrate role model behavior under all circumstances? (5 is always)
Do you shout orders and instructions at your child as they attempt to play the game? (5 is never)
How are you doing in teaching your child to handle the disappointment of defeat and the joy of success in a suitable manner?
Do you work to ensure that your child meets the commitments of the team or frequently help create excuses as to why they simply cannot make it?
Do you promote and value the concept of sport for life before winning?
Do you address problems with your child's team (playing time as example) in a calm and open minded reasonable manner?
Do you respect all players, parents, refs and coaches within the team environment?






Hopefully you completed the exercise and have taken another step to doing all that you can to be a supportive and helpful parent. Now consider what other steps you can take in an attempt to ensure your child enjoys a lifetime of healthy sport participation.

Please share this document with all the team parents on your son/daughter’s team.  Together we can create the tipping point that is so desperately needed.